How do you change the way you relate to yourself when you realize you are emotionally numb?
Be kind to yourself!
No self-chastising. No self-blaming. No I should’ve, I could’ve or I would’ve.
And sense your body, ever so gently.
Most of the time, my experience is that we are harsh with ourselves. We are mere mortals on this journey in life doing our best. We need kindness. Life might not be perfect in our minds. And, yes, life gets messy. In that messiness, be there for yourself. Be your own advocate taking care of yourself.
Notice the area around your heart.
Some people notice their body and how it feels on a moment to moment basis. But if you are numb to your emotions, you might be somewhat numb to your body too. It isn’t that your body is numb, but that you don’t pay attention to it. That is the numb part—numb to paying attention.
Your emotions are not just in our brain, they are stored all over your body.
Most children are very into their body. They notice every little place that, “must need a band aid.” You can learn from those little ones in your life.
Stop for a moment right now and feel your body. Take a moment and feel your feet. Sometimes we think there isn’t any information unless there is pain. But that isn’t true.
You can feel sensations.
You can feel if your chest is tight. Sometimes it can be tight without you getting sick. It is simply tight. And there are times that you can simply pay attention to your sensations and they change. Now it doesn’t feel tight. Maybe it feels cool or warm. Your experience is your own.
It is your body’s way of talking to you and you want to learn how to listen.
If you don’t know how to listen to your body, it is ok. You will learn. It isn’t hard. Anyone can do it. It only takes focus and willingness.
You may have been asked, “How do you feel about your dad leaving when you were 12 and never coming back?” Most of the time they are talking about your mental ideas of how you feel.
But has anyone asked, ‘How does your body feel about your dad leaving when you were 12 and never coming back?”
Let’s face it, our society doesn’t talk that way and, for the most part, we don’t think that way. The body is often left out of the equation. Where it really shows up is later in life with health problems. This has been studied and no one questions the results. But so far, our health care system just isn’t dealing with it. I get it.
It is a massive problem for all of us.
I tell my patients you have to take control of your health and not just leave it in someone else’s hands. When you have lost a parent when you were a child, years down the road, we could be talking about life long chronic illness that is directly related to that loss. I’m talking about me as well as you. And that is why this is so important.
Now the issue is becoming clear.
It isn’t enough to think you might need to work through your loss because you don’t have the confidence needed to pursue the career you want. It isn’t enough that you hurt on the inside where no one can see. It is known that, without healing your loss, your odds of health problems down the road are staggering. Please read the article. It should have turned medicine on its head. But did it? No.
Who suffers is you and me and others like us.
So what if they decide to deal with this 10, 20 or even 30 years in the future? My time on this earth is now and so is yours. I want to enjoy it as much as possible and I know you do too. To do so, you must take your health and your loss into your own hands. And that is why I will be offering my classes.
Please post this blog to your Facebook page. All change is started as a grassroots effort and those of us who lost a parent could start a grassroots effort for healing. I like to look at the positive side of things so let me tell you a secret. The article said that just by the doctor asking the patient about their childhood and the link to their health, without any other intervention, the doctor visits were down enormously.
Next week’s blog will focus on a problem that surfaces for people who lost a parent when they were a child and keeps them from getting help.