Hi Dr. Elva Edwards here from healingchildhoodloss.com
Today I want to talk a little bit about the benefits of working through my program and classes on healing from the loss of a parent when you were a child. And I want to tell you through my own experience and that is when I was a child I lived with my grandparents after my parents were killed. It wasn’t an easy time. My grandmother was ill and so we were just kind of passed around to everyone to keep us until she could recover and come back home. Back then there wasn’t a hospital in every place, so she had to go you know like five hours away to have surgery. That is the reason we had the accident because we were on the way to see about her because she was sick. Do You think that would give a child confidence our security? And I feel like you know even though I can’t remember, how it affected me was there I feel like I had to please everybody. And you know if mommy and daddy aren’t there, you need to please the people you’re with. And I’m not saying that was created by them. I’m saying inside I think I felt that what was necessary to stay safe. That was firmly placed in me from not only being a child and imprinted or as the kids would say, downloaded with you better please people or else, but also in the throes of trauma, it’s a deeper imprint.
And so I felt always growing up like I had to please other people. It can be exhausting pleasing other people, even as an adult. I didn’t see the pattern. I didn’t see the pattern until I was going through my healing process. And once you see that pattern, or any other pattern that you have that is really a major driving force in your life, then you can decide is that pattern something I want in my life? Is that pattern supporting me? Is that in my best interest? But you don’t even ask those questions until you see, oh that’s the pattern. And the why you really notice your patterns is by noticing your life. How do you behave. And I’m not talking about externals. I’m talking about how you feel on the inside. How do you behave. How do you feel. What are you thinking on the inside when you’re communicating with other people or having relationships with other people, what do you think about you? Do you feel like, “I need to do what they want, or they will be mad?” Or “I won’t be safe.” Some people think you better do what I want. You know, I think this has been a real hold back for me in wanting to have people that I, let say, boss. I don’t want to boss people. And I think it comes from feeling that I had to meet people’s expectations.
Now you know obviously sometimes we do need to make people’s expectations, so we have jobs. We have relationships. But I’m talking about this from a point of view that is encompassing in my life. And I’m so glad I saw it because you know there is no rest for that person, always trying to please others and make other people happy. You might not have noticed it from the outside. But boy, I noticed it from my inside. And that’s why it takes a certain kind of noticing. Paying attention to your life. Looking. What am I thinking and doing as I’m talking with my friends? Whatever you’re doing. So, when you can see these deeply held ideas, I hadn’t ever even noticed that I did that. No, I was too busy trying to please other people, right? Because you see when that is imprinted in trauma, it feels like your life depends on it. Because in a traumatic situation, you know, your life is up for grabs. So that’s my story today and I will talk to you next week and I hope you have a great week.